


nine months

by daughterofthesky



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, Letters, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Memories, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Misery, Moving On, Pain, Past Relationship(s), Poetic, Post-Break Up, Recovered Memories, References to Depression, Repressed Memories, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 20:44:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16226996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daughterofthesky/pseuds/daughterofthesky
Summary: Hwang Hyunjin writes a letter every month to Lee Felix, his exboyfriend, in hopes he forgives him and that they meet again someday.





	1. first month

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by ["nine letters to felix"](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/422711) by Andy. 



> DEDICATED TO MISS (@)KRYSULT, president of hyunlix nation  
> THIS IS HELLA POETIC, IF U FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH METAPHORS AND SIMILES AND STUFF LIKE THAT PLS DON'T READ THANKS :)  
> also it's super C H E E S Y oopsies  
> IMPORTANT: TRIGGER WARNINGS AT THE END OF THE CHAPTERS  
>  _also there's gonna be a thing in every chapter, a "song of the month": it's basically a song that u can listen to while reading the au (most of the times it's a song that inspired a certain part of the letter, if not all the letter). i hope u like them !_

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> letter of the month: February 26th, 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song of the month: [wherever you are by one ok rock](https://open.spotify.com/track/0YAMQSmHk6BSUGTYpaoqTJ?si=-UVHob3VS6m5NEnGGnLytA)  
> ALSO THEY'RE LIKE 21/22 :)

_Lix,_

_Before you throw this letter away hear me out, please. I regret all the pain I caused you, and I don't expect forgiveness. I don't expect a second chance at something that's already ashes and buried in the past. Plus, you've moved on. I just want you to hear me out, I want you to know how I feel. How you made me feel. These letters are a way of dealing with the pain, not a way of generating pity. I don't deserve that pity._

_It's been a while. I haven't stopped thinking about you and somehow I feel I never will. These past months without you have gone by in the blink of an eye, and I'm still the same. I'm still here. Without you, time goes by faster than I would like it to, but still, sometimes it doesn't seem to go by at all. I know I should leave you alone but my therapist (yes, I started seeing a therapist, ironic right? Even after saying I wouldn't and rejecting the idea for the longest time) think this will help me cope with our breakup. I think this will heal me._

_I hope you're happy, of course. I hope you're living the life you always wanted, the life we always dreamed of having—but never did. I hope you wake up every day next to the person you love and that makes the smile come out of you, the way I never could. ~~I always brought you so much pain, I'm sorry.~~ I hope you have the dog you always said you wanted to have, and that Coco—remember? You wanted to name your dog Coco after the movie, I remember that day so clearly, so vividly—is nice and healthy and playful and everything that you wished it would be and more. I hope you live in a house full of windows and light and candle smells and a warm fireplace and pristine floors and lengthy mirrors and a big tv to watch all the movies we always said we would, but never did. I should've given you so much more. I hope you moved on from us, because I can't and it hurts me. I hope you're not hurting, struggling, and it pains me to think of how badly I treated you. I just hope you're happy above all._

_I miss so many things about you, I miss holding your hands, your touch—warmth—, ~~your soft lips against mine.~~_

_I miss you, and I miss the time we used to spend together._

_But we parted ways. Maybe it's for the better. Still, our_ _pasts will always belong together; everytime I look back at my teen years I'll see you. I smile; I wouldn't want to change that._

_You have my heart,_

_Hyunjin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls bear with me, i swear it gets better


	2. second month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> letter of the month: March 25th, 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song of the month: [liability by lorde](https://open.spotify.com/track/0or0gNaKAXYYCsOrpvRzAu?si=gA3qE4a_QIOriT81HSr7sA)

_Hi Lix,_

_I'm sorry if my handwriting is messy and wriggly and almost unreadable, but I'm writing this at 3am while I still remember my dream. I haven't stopped dreaming about you, about us—I don't want to, somehow. Maybe it's because I don't want to accept that my safe haven is not safe anymore, and that it's dragging me down. Or that you're not here anymore, cuddling with me, telling me all your feelings and insecurities and secrets—and still you always hid the biggest secret from me._

_In my dream you were there, of course, as always. You were smiley, that golden hair of yours flowing in the wind, the freckles on your face were a constellation—remember? Like I told you in our first date!— and you smiled at me brighter than ever before. I felt like I was in Heaven. I wish I could still give you that happiness, that feeling you wholeheartedly deserve. But I know it'll never come from me again, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry time was too cruel to us, too vain and selfish._

_The dream didn't end well; a black hole gulped me down and you disappeared from my sight. I woke up screaming and crying, and quite breathless._

_I hope you don't suffer nightmares, I hope you don't dream about me—I doubt you do, I doubt you ever think about me the way I do about you._ _I hope you sleep peacefully and calm, cuddling next to the person you now love. I hope that eventually I will, too, stop dreaming about you—I want to find reasons to wake up._

_I need to stop saying that I miss you, maybe that way my heart will realize you're not next to me anymore._

_I'll always be yours, and just yours, even if you're not mine_

_Hyunjin._


	3. third month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> letter of the month: April 14th, 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song of the month: [i'm going crazy by se7en](https://open.spotify.com/track/2kqOnrOSODEJI3ryjxFIep?si=ofIE6DZQSwWQLLN08Q4Rdg)

_Hello Lix,_

_Today I went to the park by myself, and was glad to see that you weren't there—our encounters could be awkward, ~~especially if I want to run to you and kiss you and tell you everything that's been going on with me and about my life without you.~~ The park is now a cold reminder of the time we have lost, and it's both a nostalgic and melancholic feeling, walking around alone. I hope that one day I will see you there though, I think that'd be nice. It's also a great park for Coco, if you ever want to take him out._

_I wandered along the paths we used to take, I saw the waterfalls and I sat under a tree, our tree, the same one we used to rest below, lying under its shielding shadow, just watching time go by. Somehow I felt time hadn't gone by at all._

_I wish I could be as strong as you were. I wish I could be half the man you were. I need to be wiser, stronger, but moving on seems impossible for me; I was a fool. I can't move on from my mistakes, ~~I regret them so much you have no idea how much they're tearing me apart.~~_

~~~~_My lockscreen is still you; I haven't found the strength to change it. I can't bring myself to delete you from my life just yet. Everytime I used to feel down I could look at the picture—that bright smile of yours and your eye smile and the splatter of freckles against the colorful spring background—and smile. Your smile was contagious. Now it only brings tears to my eyes._

_I hope I won't be sending you any more letters, as I hope this treatment my therapist recommended helps._

_I need to be strong, for me_

_Hyunjin_


	4. fourth month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> letter of the month: May 19th, 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song of the month: [i need somebody by day6](https://open.spotify.com/track/4cwCVB09LU2UGNwVsWiTgW?si=xMt8wtdjRjSXxhPhoQOj8w)

_Hi Lix,_

_Remember that dream, that recurring fantasy that I used to have almost every single night while you lay next to me under the stars? The one where I was running through a lavender field, lilac all over me, over the horizon and next to me,—like literally surrounded—and the sky was clear and I knew I couldn't stop running because I was afraid of what would happen if I did so. And I couldn't see where I was running to, cause the field seemed to go on forever? I just woke up from it, after months of not dreaming it. But it wasn't like the times before; this time I was running to you. I had a finish line, a goal. I knew where I was running to. You had your arms open for me, and I rushed to the embrace. I wish I would've never woken up from it, I wish I could live in that hug forever and never wake up and never face the fact that you're not here, that you're not with me anymore._

_It's 5am. The birds are chirping outside my window, the sun barely peeking out. The world is quiet though, no one expects anything from me. I think I'm gonna skip work today, call in sick, make Woojin cover for me. I remember I never used to do this because you always urged me to be the best version of myself. But it's impossible for me to be the best version of myself if the best part is missing._

_I_ ' _m gonna try calling Seungmin or Jeongin later because I feel lonely. I pushed them away, I know I shouldn't have but after our breakup I needed some time for myself, some time to breathe and calm myself down. The house is quiet without your giggles._

_Sometimes I wonder, why am I alone? I know I deserve it, believe me, I know I wasn't the best boyfriend, the best friend, the best companion you deserved and in part I'm glad you got someone better than me. But my solitude is eating me up and sometimes it's too much to bear; I truly have no one. The other day I broke down in the kitchen; I fell down to my knees and I couldn't see anything, the tears blurring out my vision completely. I couldn't breathe, my voice muffled against the silence of the house. It hit me worse than before. I was choking on my own pain, my own misery._

_But I learned that everyone and everything leaves, that nothing is forever—nor us, and nor the suffering—and that I'll eventually die alone and unwanted and unloved the way I'm supposed to; the way I deserve._

_I think I babbled a lot in this letter, I might rewrite it —if I find strength in me—and give you a clean copy; but you know I always wonder the most when the rest of the world is fast asleep._ _Now it's almost 5:30am and I should be getting ready for work. I think I'm gonna end up going, after all._

_Anyways, this concludes my letter. I hope it gets to you._

_Hyunjin_


	5. fifth month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> letter of the month: June 30th, 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song of the month: [she's in the rain by the rose](https://open.spotify.com/track/0TxSk5fpK01cBLV9ePqcE6?si=iKWG4LftSZShRdzvu5M9WQ)

_Hi Felix,_

_Today I felt like the dead walking amongst the living. It was pouring rain and I had no umbrella with me—you know how I always dash outside without even checking the weather. I was soaking wet, my clothes dampened, clinging onto my skin, but I wasn't annoyed by it, I wasn't bothered; you know how much I love the rain. Those were the tears I couldn't cry myself. It was peaceful and for a moment I was alone on the street. I felt the raindrops were just for me. I danced in the rain, like there would be no tomorrow. The haunting thoughts disappeared and there was nothing, only rain. Only me, dancing to the beat of our song._

_I_ _wanted the rain, the raindrops, the sky, the clouds to consume me and evaporate me from existence._

_I wanted to drown, to bury myself under the tears of the sky and just float carelessly down the street._

_I wanted to scream, but no one would be there to see my breakdown, the decay of my own self._

_I waddled the way home, water up to my ankles, my sneakers totally submerged underwater. I took a hot bath—remember when you used to fill the tub for me and take advantage of that time and rap me what you had written? I miss it, you were so talented—and I hope the rain continues and that I'll fall asleep under the soothing sound of pouring rain; just like we used to love and long for._

_Where do I find strength to carry on? Even if my life does not belong with you, my heart does._

_Maybe my love will be immortalized in these letters; I hope so._

_Maybe I want you to save me the way I couldn't save you._

_Maybe this is really the end, who knows? Maybe this is my end._

_Hyunjin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: suicidal thoughts


	6. sixth month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> letter of the month: July 17th, 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song of the month: [if you by bigbang](https://open.spotify.com/track/2a24kpQaTvwSMhgu0sDnTm?si=0ayC2P-tQk23u3d1r8eBEA)

_Lix,_

_I went to a party last night. I know, it's odd; I used to say I hated drunks and loud music and dancing and crowds—you know how much of an introvert I am, unlike you. Woojin forced me out of the house, and I don't blame him: I hadn't gone out in the whole week. I'm sure I'm gonna get fired soon but I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore._

_I got drunk. Like, really drunk. I don't remember most of what I did yesterday, of what happened, just bits and pieces. I'm so messed up. I was so obsessed with the idea of forgetting you that I drowned my thoughts in alcohol; not my best idea. I'm pretty sure I threw up, but I can't be sure. I am sure, though, that at one point I was in the bathroom. I could hear out song blasting just outside of it, like a reminder of what I let go of. A reminder of what we used to be. A reminder of what we had, of how I messed up. A reminder that I can't run away from you, from us. It was like a thousand bullets coming through my chest, and I wasn't dodging them—I had no strength left. I had one of my breakdowns, right there in the bathroom. No one came for me, and I'm pretty sure no one was there with me either. I felt like I was trapped, like I was in a prison made of my own self-inflicted guilt. I remembered who I was when I was with you, and I realized how much I changed. I don't recognize myself anymore. You wouldn't recognize me either I bet._

_I think that I made out with Seungmin, cause I remember kissing someone. ~~How I wish it would've been you.~~ I needed someone to cure me, to save me from myself. I was heading towards my self destruction, I needed a way out. But instead I buried myself deeper into the past, I buried myself next to our memories, and I realized I'm never going to forget them, to let them go. ~~I don't want to let you go~~. I have to let you go. _

_Our memories keep me alive, but burn me alive. It's a thin line between life and death, between Heaven and Hell. The only way I'm moving forward is because I'm moving backwards: I'm reliving the past, every single day. I wake up and I feel your absence; I go to sleep, and I remember your soft voice, like if it were singing me to sleep. You give me a reason to stay alive._

_I think I'm slowly going insane. One of these days I'm gonna wake up and tear the house down, so I won't have to live with the reminder of what I lost, of who I lost. I think I'm going to stop seeing my therapist, because her method is, instead of healing me, tearing me apart._

_Sometimes I wonder if this pain —that has now become a part of me— will leave. I wonder if it will stay with me for the rest of my life, like a shadow of a love that was toxic yet needy. Yet perfect._

_If you ever decide to come back, I hope you won't see me; I hope you won't see the monster I've become. I hope that your memory of me remains that of the guy you fell in love with. Of the happy, cheerful friend you used to have. I can't believe that part of me is forever gone._

_If I could turn back time, the only thing I would change would be me, and my ruthless actions. You already know why._

_I should've treated you better when I had you_

_Hyunjin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for an in and out of body experience you can listen to "if you" [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0_t5pMu_Ag)  
> and yes ppl, i made hyunjin an introvert what about it :)


	7. seventh month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> letter of the month: August 6th, 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song of the month: [spring day by bts](https://open.spotify.com/track/02q0ZnV2L4XByzEvWZJqBC?si=ObmBscNQT7aHZM5pu7RDiw)

_Lix_

_You won't believe what I did today: I went to the amusement park we always dreamt of visiting someday. It was so much better than I was expecting; it exceeded my expectations by far. ~~I wish you would've been there with me.~~ It felt like a dream come true. I wish you could've seen it. _

_I felt alive. For the first time in the last couple of months, I was truly living. The sky was pink, cloudless, it looked straight out of a dream—I knew it wasn't a dream because you weren't there. The amusement park was crowded, loaded with people, but I couldn't listen to them: I was in my own world. It was peaceful, quiet, calm, ~~pretty much like you.~~ _

_I rode every single ride, and even though I was scared—you know how much of a fraidy cat I am—I didn't care, I was having the time of my life. In the rollercoasters I screamed at the top of my lungs; for the first time not caring what the people around me might think. I laughed—something I didn't think I could still do since you left. It felt good._

_I was alone, but I didn't feel lonely: I felt your presence in the wind. I felt you there in between the people, in the air, in the falling of leaves, in the smells, inside of me. You were there._

_Sometimes I feel you following me around, but I'm not uncomfortable by it; I quite like it. I can still feel your eyes on me, just like the time we met. It's a nice reminder; someone cares, someone's watching over me. Of course though, you're not actually there. It's just a feeling, a delirium._

_I watched the sunset, I watched the sky turn into a pink, lilac color and the sun go down, one of the most breathtaking sunsets I've ever seen, and it reminded me of the time we used to spend lying in the grass in our park just watching the clouds pass by, imagining how our lives would be in ten years time, making up shapes; you used to always say you felt alive when you were with me. You knew you were safe with me. ~~You used to say you loved me.~~ I wish I could go back to one of those days, just once, and tell you how much you meant to me, but I always kept quiet and gazed at you, because you held my whole world. I should've told you exactly how I felt before you disappeared. _

_I'm a fool. Do fools ever change? Why am I so unwise and rash and grumpy, why don't I care about anyone, not even myself? I was so blind, too caught up in fantasies, in daydreams, that I shoved you aside. I was so mad that day, remember? I kicked you out of the house, my anger getting the best of me._

_I'm sorry, but I know my apologies mean nothing to you. They shouldn't. I gave you so much unnecessary pain, while you were already struggling by yourself. Why was I so insensitive? I hate myself because of the pain I inflicted in you._

_Anyways, I took a lot of pictures today._ _I took pictures of the sky and the rides and the vibrant colors in the amusement park; I'll attach them to this letter. I hope you like them; they made me think of you, like everything pretty much does. I wish it wasn't like this._

_I think I'm going to sign up for some photography classes; you used to say I was a very talented photographer and that my photographs were always able to make you feel something. I want to make people feel something again._

_Maybe I'm still waiting for you to come back to me. ~~I miss you.~~ I hope I see you someday._

_Hyunjin_


	8. eighth month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> letter of the month: September 24th, 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song of the month: [time and fallen leaves by akdong musician](https://open.spotify.com/track/26USSJB5B6QN2MfIVVNB0A?si=KS1zgKlMQqeOEarAoxXaXg)

_Lix_

_Do you remember how we met? I was running away from my problems, running towards my end. My life was going downhill, after what happened with my parents; they didn't even want to see me after I came out to them. I was homeless. Devastated, lifeless. You appeared, remember? You weren't even supposed to be there, but I know now: you were there to save me, it was fate (and you know how I don't believe in fate and destiny and all of those things, but I guess I do now—just like you). You stopped me and asked, "Where are you going?" and your voice, that soft voice of yours, made me forget where I was going, what I was about to do. I knew right then, I never had to let you go. I had to keep you close, because you made me wonder how someone had the ability to save others. You saved me that day._

_I never said thank you. I was never grateful towards you the way I am now; it's like I've finally woken up, just to find that I'm too late. I wish we had more time together. I wish I would've told you everything that went through my mind instead of thinking that someday you'd realize I'm way too plain and boring to be with someone as fascinating and interesting and humble as you. You always had the ability to make me feel better about myself; that was your magic. You had so many powers, and you always used them for others, to save them. I always admired that in you, I always loved that part of you above the others._

_I used to always come up with reasons someone like you could love me; I tried to look at what you saw in me. I couldn't see anything else rather than disappointment and failure and at first, I even thought you were faking it. Remember? I told you this on our first unofficial date; the same day we had our first kiss. You always knew how to shut out the voices in my head. You were always so selfless and kind and genuine; I hope someday I find someone like you again, though I know you were like a miracle. Like a shooting star. You were my once in a lifetime._

_You always made me forget the loser I truly am. ~~I lost you.~~ Why do I always lose the people I love the most? Why does everything always slip out of my hand? Like quicksand, I'm falling._

_I hope Jisung treated you well, the way you always deserved. He's a great guy and I'm glad you found each other, ~~even if it was behind my back.~~_ _I'm glad you found comfort in him, a new home. I know he kept you safe. I should write him a letter soon, but you know I always say things and never actually do them—one of the many things I hate about myself._

_I've been living a never-ending winter ever since we broke up. You know how much I hate winter. I've been spending my days with Seungmin 'cause guess what? Yes, I was fired and evicted from my house—I hope you will remember our home the way it used to be, and that it remains pristine in your memory forever. I feel better now, even if the cold is around me, I've been set free. ~~Still, I'm chained to you.~~_

_Happy late birthday, and happy anniversary ~~baby~~_

_Hyunjin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: homophobia, implied suicide attempt


	9. ninth month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> letter of the month: October 8th, 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song of the month: [heartache by one ok rock](https://open.spotify.com/track/0OwEskGUqCMgkSY7JkJS7x?si=a6W0aE6QTSKZtbCnJr4kZQ)  
> TRIGGER WARNINGS AT THE END OF THE CH

_Felix Lee,_

_It's been exactly a whole year since we broke up. Exactly a year since I broke your heart and you broke mine. It feels like a movie; I can replay any scene of what happened a year ago without effort. I remember it so vividly, as if it happened yesterday. But there's no happiness to it, no pride nor joy: just misery and regret and pain and suffering and what I did will forever haunt me. I cannot escape it. I have no way out._

_A year ago today a part of me died. My heart became rotten and envious and blind, and I failed to be there for you. I failed to be the companion you needed. When you came home with Jisung and you told me you had leukemia, I gave my back to you. I pushed you away, because I was mad that you had kept it to yourself, mad that you hurt me by not telling me what had been bothering you for months, mad that you did not trust me enough to tell me the truth and that you ran to Jisung's arms instead, when it should've been into mine. Envy got the best of me, I was so insecure. I hated you so much that day, I cursed your existence. I was mad at myself, and I took it out on you; I was mad because I always lost the people I loved the most, I was tired of always losing the people I care about. Nothing ever good happens to me, and I know it's not my fault but I can't help it. I know my erratic behaviour has no justification but I didn't want to lose you. I broke your heart, because you had broken mine._

_Even after you told me that you had hidden it because you didn't want to hurt me I cursed you, and I called you selfish and insensitive and I'm deeply sorry I made you weaker, I'm sorry I made you cry. I rejected you, but by doing so, I was blindingly saying goodbye to a part of myself and a part of my life. I thought we had more time._

_I_ _wish I could've stopped your crying. I wish I could've held you in my arms, and whisper into your ear that everything would be alright, that you didn't have to worry about anything. After all, you only needed my support. My strength, my comfort, and I failed to give that to you. Instead, I kicked you out._

_I can picture you looking for an old picture or a text message you forgot to delete, just to remind yourself that at one point you did matter to me. That it wasn't all a lie, that our love had been real. That for even just a moment I were all you thought about. I wish I hadn't been the reason you were unable to fall asleep at night, I wish I hadn't been the reason your walls broke down. I know it wasn't easy without me, it wasn't easy for me without you either. But I did this to us, and I'll live to regret every single time I caused you anguish. You had to carry on without me, now I have to do the same._

_Nine months ago you left us, and I thought that leaving you had been the worst part. Nine months have gone by, but I'm still the same fragile, coward, selfish self I've always been. Your passing has changed me, and now I see things more clearly: I need to take advantage of the time I spend with people, because they could be gone in an instant. I don't want to live with more regrets than I already do._

_I paid Jisung a visit: he is better than I thought he would be. He misses you, of course, like everybody you ever met does. Your absence hurts. He's still writing music, and uses you as a muse, as a source of inspiration; the way I used to. I hope he finds love again. He also showed me some lyrics you wrote, and I knew that you were inspired by me, I could see it all over the paper. The emotion, the rawness, the cruelty; it was beautiful. I'm glad you didn't stop writing after we broke up. I could also sense your feelings for Jisung, and I'm pleased with it, I knew he did his best to cure you, to push you forward. I thanked him._

_I think I'm falling in love again. You were right, I am capable of loving someone after all. I should've loved you better, louder, recklessly, selfishly. I was madly in love with you. A part of me always will, because you were my first love._ _Seungmin's a great partner, and I know he's not you and that he never will—I don't want him to— but I like him. He makes me feel good about myself. He gives me reasons to stay alive, and this time I won't let myself make the same mistakes I did with you; once is enough._

 _Our love was passionate but unfortunate. It was blissful, but toxic. We were uncorresponded soulmates, but we were still soulmates. My youth belongs to you, and only you. _ _A part of you lives within me, a part I therefore am unable to detach from myself._

_I guess all these past months, the letters, were a way to atone for my mistakes. It was a way of pretending you were still here, still alive, just for me to cope with the breakup, that led to your untimely passing. I'm going to go to your grave later on, and look at the letters piled up against your gravestone once more, before I turn back and weep. I'll never get over you._

_It's my final letter: this marks the end but it's just the beginning. This new chapter in my life is titled 'healing' and I'm not leaving you behind, I could never, I'm just putting you aside so that I can return to living my life. So that I can keep moving forward._

_Our love will be immortalized in these letters. But we'll meet again someday._

_I'm sorry._

_Forever yours,_

_Hwang Hyunjin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of cancer, death

**Author's Note:**

> this au was lowkey an experiment shdkflg so i hope it succeeded.  
> ALSO, it was originally a jilix au but the president of hyunlix nation made me change it after hyunlix won against jilix in a poll sO SHDJF  
> comments/kudos are always appreciated :)  
> if you liked this au, i wrote a similar CHANLIX au (based on the same style) which you can check out [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17864213/chapters/42157391)  
> you can find me [here](https://curiouscat.me/180325)


End file.
